The emotions you and your child(ren) may go through will be unpredictable when facing the unknown. Regardless of how much you thought about it previously, divorce can affect children of a certain age and conflict between the parents usually is the main cause. It is important to show them their feelings still matter. We have created a list to help you support your children through your divorce.
Your children come first
Even though this seems obvious, there may be people who forget their children are involved in the process and may overlook how to handle their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It is all too easy for your children to feel rejected by either, or both parents, so make sure they are front and centre of any decisions you make.
Inform them about the divorce together (if possible)
It is important that you both explain the situation to your children together. The children are more accepting of divorce and make them deal with it better when both parents behave peacefully around each other when informing them. By telling them about the situation you allow them to process. Having this conversation together shows your children that you are capable of co-parenting them also showing there is no one at fault.
There will be anger
Most likely your children will not want you to separate, which is understandable. They may feel angry, and start displaying bad behaviour out of frustration because of your divorce. This needs to be handled firmly, but lovingly. While discipline is important, understanding the reason behind their anger can make a difference and address issues quickly. Identify what is and isn’t acceptable for them to do in a healthy manner.
Assure them they aren’t at fault
During divorce, children will blame themselves. Although things may change, both parents need to assure the children know that they are not to blame. It will be helpful to talk about living arrangements before you discuss it with the children and make sure to stick to those arrangements.
Honesty is the best policy
Answer their questions honestly. It is not necessary to go into every detail, but if they ask a question, they deserve an honest answer. Keep it age appropriate and be patient – they may ask the same question repeatedly, but they need to hear it over and over again. Be open to their questions. Allow them to express their grief.
We understand that parenting is not easy during a divorce and not everything will be full of roses. At Michael Spoors we aim for the best possible outcome regarding your situation. For more information on the complex aspects of family law, contact us on 01983 632006 or email info@michaelspoors.co.uk.
