In addition to illness and death, divorce is one of the most devastating events in a person’s life. Essentially, you are losing someone you care about. The person your ex-spouse was to you is gone, and they take on a new role in your life after divorce.

However, every challenge offers the possibility of renewal. In spite of a painful divorce, good things can happen if you are able to spot them and allow them to unfold.

1. It’s a second chance

Divorce is a significant catalyst for change. Your dreams and aspirations come flooding back that you may have ‘forgotten’ for years. You no longer face obstacles to your dreams, like the disapproval of your spouse, that you may have had before. You might find that you have more options than you could have ever imagined, and you can focus on yourself again.

In case you have children, you may be able to co-parent, giving you more free time. At the very least, you have freed up the time and energy you once used attempting to resurrect your relationship.

2. Your children will thrive despite all odds.

Often, children of divorce adjust better to change than we think. Studies have found that children of divorce grow up to be well-adjusted adults.

Divorce does not mean that you should not consider the effects it may have on your children. They will need your support while transitioning into their new lifestyle and they will need time to adjust. You are learning what it means to no longer be married, while they are learning what it means to be a child of divorce. In family counselling, participants can freely express their emotions and learn coping skills for life after divorce.

Although your children’s family structure has changed, they still have their friends, their school, and their leisure activities to help them cope with difficult times. Maintain a positive environment in your home and try not to worry, because the more positive you are about your new family structure, the more likely they will be to accept it.

3. Learning not to care about what others think will be an invaluable lesson.

Others may start treating you differently because of your divorce and notice it first hand. You may waste time keeping up appearances and repairing the friendships you formed through marriage. However, some friendships, as well as professional relationships, are bound to fade away as you adjust and adapt to the intense changes life has thrown at you.

As you work hard to keep everything together – emotionally, financially, etc. – you simply stop focusing on the opinions of others who are not supportive. There might be less jealousy towards your married friends than you expect. You know how it feels. You were in their shoes once, and it wasn’t all roses.

Gradually, your awareness will shift. You are not a lesser person because of your divorce and it is time to follow your own path. During your marriage, you compromised every single day, and from now on you won’t compromise your values. You should not be judged by those who have no regard for your character.

4. Becoming confident

When you experience the worst thing you could possibly imagine, something remarkable happens. Uncertainty becomes less scary. This allows you to develop a “what’s the worst that could happen” mindset. 

In some strange way, you become more open to life. When you become more open to new experiences, and less afraid of the possible outcome, you start to take opportunities that allow for personal growth.

5. Your life may be happier now than when you were married.

Happiness is a by-product of getting through change. It is clear that you have put yourself first, and you are growing into the person you always dreamed of becoming. There will be days when it still hurts.

At some point, you will stop fighting change, and your life will get easier. Due to the absence of arguments, infidelity, lack of physical attraction, and any other combination of factors that contributed to the demise of your marriage, you will feel lighter. This will relieve you of the guilt of acting in a way you did not intend. Hence, you are no longer stuck in that place where you were simply holding on out of fear of letting go.

Our focus is family law and divorce. It is in the best interests of both you and your loved ones to achieve the best outcome possible. If you need more information on the complex aspects of divorce or family law then contact us on 01983 632006 or email us info@michaelspoors.co.uk.