Parenting and co-parenting are hard in general. If you find co-parenting harder during your divorce, that is because it is harder. The transition from an intimate adult relationship, through separation, to a co-parenting one is always challenging, and there will be times when it will seem insoluble.

The best way to ensure your child’s needs is having both parents involved. (Unless your family has experienced serious issues such as domestic violence and substance abuse.)

There are many techniques you can both use to help you along the way. Legal advice is not always enough when it comes to agreeing the right arrangements for your children. It will also help you avoid further complications. It is essential to learn how to be effective parents whilst living apart. There are many future challenges to navigate: schooling choices, introduction of new partners, managing teenage rebellion, and maintaining, above all, the integrity of your family structure, just in a new form.

We have collected five ways to help you through the transition of your separation to co-parent successfully.

1. Look after each other

Even though it is hard and probably something that you do not want to do right now, remember that the best way to care for a child is for the parents to care for each other. Your child is going to feel consequences if you hurt each other. The reason they’ll feel responsible is because they think it’s probably their fault that you’re arguing. So they’ll want to do something about it.

2. Anger reduces the ability to provide care

Making another parent feel bad is the worst thing you can do, because it makes them into a bad parent themselves. Our self-esteem is affected by how we feel about ourselves, and our parenting is also affected. Providing your child with support and resources so that they see love in the other parent will encourage your child to believe that they are loved.

3. Try to avoid resentment

Often, when we have been hurt, thinking about how horrible the other person is helps us to feel better about what happened. It’s their fault not ours. In addition to being bad for your mental health, negatively ruminating or rehearsing your story of righteous indignation can damage your body by flooding it with corrosive adrenaline.

4. Blaming helps us to avoid accountability

If life doesn’t go well, possibly blaming someone else is an effective temporary solution until we can get our lives back on track. We can in fact become so entrenched in blaming and holding someone 100% responsible, but they most likely won’t agree with us. So you get a lawyer, who agrees with you, and they get a lawyer, who agrees with them. This makes matters difficult for you, your ex-partner, but most importantly for your children.

5. Communication

Communication is a key factor in resolving matters with less friction. It can be very hard. In many cases, getting some impartial professional advice at the beginning of a new co-parenting relationship is all the couple needs to move toward a much better, more constructive relationship that will last a lifetime.

There is often confusion and stress when a relationship ends. We can help you determine what the best solution is for you. For more information on detailed aspects of family law, contact us on 01983 632006 or email us on